WEST CHESTER, Ohio — When she went to college, Tori Goeglein didn’t know if she was supposed to talk about it or not.
“I don’t want to just be the girl with the dead mom,” Goeglein said.
She graduated last month. Her dad, grandparents and other family visited. But her mom wasn't there. Because her mom, who had cancer, died in 2019 when Goeglein was 16.
Goeglein tells me she went to soccer practice the next day because she didn’t know what else to do. She didn't know what to say, and she didn't know what to think.
She had two siblings, but one was in college and the other was expecting a child.
“The people I want to do life with and experience life with are not here,” Goeglein said. “And so I just felt like I was the only girl in the world who could ever experience this.”
WATCH: Go inside a new grief group specifically for young adults
When Goeglein moved to Cincinnati for college, she joined Companions on a Journey — a nonprofit in Butler County focused on helping people deal with grief. Researchers estimate that about 1 in 11 children will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the time they turn 18 years old.
That means more than 6 million kids across the country are grappling with grief.
At Companions on a Journey, there are support groups for just about everything. The nonprofit helps more than 40 schools across the Tri-State. But until now, they didn’t have anything for people like Goeglein.
So she decided it was time to use her story. A story about her best friend — a woman who told others not to feel bad about her diagnosis. A woman who watched a Spider-Man movie on her last day.
“If we need to derail group a little bit,” Goeglein said, "we are here for you guys."
It's the end of April, and she's helping lead a new virtual grief group. One for people her age.
It's only the second meeting.
Another facilitator, Kirby Heltman, explains its importance by asking the group about Coachella performances.
“I can say slang — like slay — and they know what I’m talking about,” Heltman said.
Her brother died unexpectedly a few years ago, and she says everyone in her family grieved differently.
“Grief doesn’t go away, you just grow around it,” Heltman said. “I would love to just offer hope to people out there who do experience that. It’s really hard right now, but it will get better.”
And it gets better with community.
Because here, in this group, Goeglein says she can joke about her mom’s death. Because here, it’s not met with shocked faces — but applause emojis.
“Even as a facilitator, I miss a space to just casually talk about my mom,” Goeglein said. “She’s my why behind all of this.”
Want to join?
The young adult grief group meets on the fourth Thursday of every month. It is virtual, and if you'd like to sign up you can click on this link.
