CINCINNATI -- All right, you wisenheimers, we've had just about enough of this Harambe tomfoolery.
Ever since the gorilla was shot dead when a child fell in his enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo earlier this year, people have taken to change.org to change something or other.
At first, the petitioners had good intentions. They were upset that Harambe died. They made a petition seeking a law that would create "legal consequences when an endangered animal is harmed or killed due to the negligence of visitors."
That's nice enough. But then the goofuses of the internet hopped on the Harambe train for their jollies, and it has gotten out of control. Here's a sampling of some of the ridiculous Harambe petitions:
- Petitioning "Cinnncanati" (that's how they spelled it) to rename the Cincinnati Bengals the Cincinnati Harambes
- Petitioning Pope Francis to canonize Harambe as a saint
- Petitioning President Barack Obama to erect a Harambe memorial statue outside the White House
- Petitioning the U.S. Senate to add Harambe's face to Mount Rushmore
- Petitioning The Walt Disney Company to make Harambe a "force ghost" in "Return of the Jedi"
- Petitioning Nintendo to add Harambe into "Pokemon Go"
- Petitioning Donald Trump to make May 28 "Harambday," International Harambe Day
Change.org petitions usually don't actually change anything, but every time someone makes one of these, some poor journalist is assigned to write about it.
That's why we're taking our stand today. We have started a change.org petition petitioning change.org to stop allowing Harambe petitions.
Click here to sign our totally serious change.org petition to have change.org stop allowing these mocking Harambe petitions.
Journalists aren't the only ones affected by Harambe memes. The people who run the Cincinnati Zoo's Twitter are constantly barraged by tweets about Harambe, many of them jokes that were funny the first time, but not so funny when other people use them over and over.
Just look at some of the other stuff people have done:
WE SENT COMPLAINTS TO GOOGLE MAPS SAYING SHANKLAND ROAD WAS ACTUALLY HARAMBE DRIVE AND THEY CHANGED IT IM SCREAMING pic.twitter.com/b7SvgDzx2K
— chris gallagher (@gallagherc_) July 23, 2016
— Deadspin (@Deadspin) July 28, 2016
— Sridhar Natarajan (@sridinats) August 12, 2016
Phelps secret? He conveys the spirit of Harambe. pic.twitter.com/sKgV1Lpml7
— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) August 10, 2016
A-Rod Shot Harambe pic.twitter.com/bC0ZVYwvyu
— Aaron (@atf13atf) August 11, 2016
We're better than this. Let's make the madness stop.