Photo Video
Cincinnati style chili. (File photo)
Hide Caption

COLUMN: Deadspin article calls Cincinnati Chili 'horrifying diarrhea sludge'

a a a a
Share this story
Show Related Headlines
Related Articles
Cincinnati-chili bashed: The 'Nati responds
COLUMN: Chili? No. How about eclectic cuisine?

CINCINNATI -- Oh no he didn't.

To the annoyance of Cincinnatians near and far, an article recently published slams Cincinnati Chili in every way possible. The writer goes so far as to say getting hit by a car is better than the “horrifying diarrhea sludge” we have made a main food group in the Queen City.

As a Cincinnati girl born and raised, I have a few choice words for Deadspin article author, Albert Burneko: You've forever made an enemy of our amazing city.

Burneko, originally from a state known for peanuts and ham (so what does he really know, anyway?), has angered Cincinnati natives everywhere by questioning and calling out our deep-rooted chili culture.

Generations of Cincinnatians have grown up on the Greek-inspired dish and I will go out on a limb to say we are none too pleased with the hateful and rude description of our beloved food and those who enjoy it.

Not only does Burneko rate Cincinnati Chili dead last, right behind getting hit by a car (slightly obnoxious, man), he describes it as “the worst regional foodstuff in America or anywhere else,” and a “bad-tasting Z-grade atrocity.”

Burneko doesn't stop at ripping Cincinnati chili, but the Ohioans that consider it a staple.

“The only thing ‘chili’ about it is the shiver that goes down your spine when you watch Ohio sports fans shoveling it into their maws on television and are forced to reckon with the cold reality that, for as desperately as you might cling to faltering notions of community and universality, ultimately your fellow human beings are as foreign and unknowable to you as the surface of Pluto, and you are alone and always have been and will die alone, a world unto yourself unmarked and unmapped and totally, hopelessly isolated.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but did he just write Cincinnatians will die alone due to our love of chili? Who is this detestable hack?

READ MORE: The 'Nati responds to the chili-bashing

Not to mention he rates Chicago-style deep-dish pizza as No. 1. How generic, dude. Please be a little more creative next time. At least our town is known for something other than pizza, which almost every town in America claims it cooks up with some "unique" style.

“Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing ******* thing in the world,” Burkeno writes. “If it came out of the end of your digestive system, you would turn the color of chalk and call an ambulance, but at least it'd make some sense. The people of Ohio see nothing wrong with inserting it into their mouths, which perhaps tells you everything you need to know about the Buckeye State. Don't eat it. Don't let your loved ones eat it. Turn away from the darkness, and toward the deep-dish pizza.”

Don't worry, Burneko doesn't stop there, he continues his repulsive rant aimed at bordering states Kentucky and Indiana.

He ranks Kentucky "Burgoo" at No. 12 and writes, "Kentucky's signature food, a whatever-you-got stew that never tastes the same twice, gets a million imaginary bonus points for its wonderful communal nature: People just bring whatever ingredients they can, and everybody puts what they've got into the stew, and out comes burgoo, and that is just ******* beautiful, even though in reality probably 78 percent of its ingredients were scraped off I-64 with a snow shovel."

Classy, isn't he?

Indiana doesn't get out of Burneko's trash talking either, with its fried pork tenderloin sandwich coming in at No. 35. He writes, "This is a crispy chicken sandwich, only with a big, chewy sheaf of salty pig in place of the juicy, marinated chicken breast. It is neither particularly interesting nor particularly original. It is the signature food of Indiana, which, of course it is."

Is it possible to dislike someone more?

READ MORE: Cincinnati may be known for its chili, but it's not what's best about this culinary town

At the end of the day, most writers try to follow certain guidelines with their articles that can call for playful and flippant banter, but Burneko crosses the line so far he just ends up looking like a Grade-A jerk.

The collective Cincinnati chili lovers have something to say to you, Burneko: Thank you for spending the most time writing about our state and famous dish, because everyone knows such hate only signifies secret love.

Eat up, man, we know you actually like it. Oh, and make it a five-way.

What makes up traditional Cincinnati-style chili? CLICK HERE for a recipe.

If you would like to tweet Burneko to let him know how you perceived his article, CLICK HERE.

For the complete article full of Cincinnati hate, CLICK HERE.

Are you an avid Cincinnati chili eater? Leave us a comment in the section below.

 

Copyright 2013 Scripps Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Print this article

Comments

Hmm... It looks like you’re not a WCPO Insider. or Subscribe now to contribute!

More Local News
LifeSpring Christian: 3 churches, one mission
LifeSpring Christian: 3 churches, one mission

In this week's "Where We Pray," learn about a local church that combines the mission and resources of a large congregation with…

Pet Pals: Hound hunt for Easter
Pet Pals: Hound hunt for Easter

This week on Pet Pals, Katy Campolongo from Fourgotten Paws joined us with two adorable puppies looking for homes.

Living on beans & rice to fight heroin & poverty
Living on beans & rice to fight heroin & poverty

Last year, Crossroads raised $377,000 to help kids in Cincinnati. This year, they're hoping for more to help combat the local heroin epidemic.

Man dies walking on NB I-471 overnight Saturday
Man dies walking on NB I-471 overnight Saturday

Police were trying to determine why a man was walking on northbound I-471 in Northern Kentucky Saturday morning when he was struck and killed…

Exclusive: Behind-the-scenes of OTR renovation
Exclusive: Behind-the-scenes of OTR renovation

This third installment of WCPO's occasional series shows the next phase of work in the development of Park West in historic Over-the-Rhine.

Man arrested in NKY peeping, burglaries
Man arrested in NKY peeping, burglaries

A man was arrested Friday in connection with two burglaries earlier this week involving a stranger who entered the bedrooms of women while…

DJ's '2 Cents' VIDEO: Your identity matters
DJ's '2 Cents' VIDEO: Your identity matters

If you want to pick up tickets left for you by a player at a stadium, you most show a photo ID at will call. Same if you want to cash a…

Alfredo Simon leads Reds over reeling Cubs 4-1
Alfredo Simon leads Reds over reeling Cubs 4-1

Alfredo Simon lowered his ERA to 0.86, and the Cincinnati Reds beat the Chicago Cubs 4-1 Friday for their 16th win in their last 17…

Phillips exits Reds' game because of back spasms
Phillips exits Reds' game because of back spasms

Cincinnati Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips left Friday's game against the Chicago Cubs because of back spasms.

Sheriff on heroin outbreak: We are under attack
Sheriff on heroin outbreak: We are under attack

“We are under attack.” That was a statement by Kenton County Sheriff Chuck Korzenborn Friday in a plea for urgency to combat the…