GMTS Newsletter: Schoolhouse Rock and Lisa Marie

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Hey y’all. Just thought I’d kick it Southern today. No real reason, except when you say stuff with a Southern drawl, it automatically sounds nice. That means my usual vitriol is toned down to just spunk.

- My fourth-grader is learning about state government – the three branches, how a bill becomes law, you know the drill. I was excited to discuss the hierarchy of the General Assembly, and more excited when we showed her the “I’m Just a Bill” Schoolhouse Rock video.

That was followed quickly by “Conjunction Junction.” I defy any of you not to start singing one of those two songs right now.

- I was already thinking it when one of our Twitter followers (@ChickOpinion) asked when someone was going to start making cute clear purses to take to NFL games, now that the league is requiring them. Well, someone is. Actually, lots of someones . And some bootleg someones .

- After Prince Andrew was detained at Buckingham Palace by officers who didn’t recognize him, I mentioned on air and online that it reminded me of the time I tried to kick Lisa Marie Presley out of Graceland. I got enough quizzical emails and private messages that I should probably explain myself.

At the time, she had young children and Elvis’s Aunt Delta still lived at Graceland (I was a tour guide. Pretty sure I’ve mentioned that once or twice.) There was an outdoor entrance to the Jungle Room that only family was allowed to use. This usually consisted of Miss Delta and Edmond, her terrible rotten, no-good very bad dog. (I’m a dog person, and even I say this dog was horrible.)

Anyway, Here comes this lady with a huge diaper bag and two kids through the “family-only” door and I assumed she was a guest (Graceland-speak for tourist) who got lost. She was not.

“Excuse me ma’am,” I politely (I hope) said. “But this entrance is for family only.”

“Oh, it’s OK. I’m Lisa,” she responded.

I still didn’t get it.

“It doesn’t really matter what your name is, ma’am,” I said. As I was saying this, I walked closer, at which point I figured it all out. She looks exactly like her dad. Then she explained she was going to see her great aunt.

I hope she reported to the powers-that-be that I was doing one heckuva job keeping the riff-raff off the shag carpet. Yes, in my mind, that’s exactly what she told my bosses.

From Today’s GMTS:

-They Robbed a What?: Two men robbed a video store in North College Hill overnight. In other news, video stores still exist.

-The Most Important Meal of the Day?: Sure, it’s breakfast, if you believe your Mama. (I do, of course. She reads these things.) But new research shows it’s not, at least, for weight loss. The report in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition says the most important factor in losing weight is how much you change your eating habits. Still waiting on the study that explains that the best way to stay sober is by reducing the amount of alcohol intake.

Today’s Distracting Link:

This one’s the epitome of pointless. A tower of bears that refuses to stay down.

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