Wednesday, Oct. 3, 2012
I love Halloween. There's no need to have a giant sit-down dinner or to overspend on presents. There's no stress, no pressure – all fun.
And the best part is (I'm aware this is the most over-used phrase EVER by parents), it's all about the kids.
That is, until adults start dressing in little more than dental floss and a handkerchief.
We get a ton of costume catalogs at our house, and some of the costumes are so risqué that I toss the catalogs before they get into my kids' hands.
I get into the Halloween spirit as well. The fully clothed Halloween spirit. Some of the few awards I've ever won include three straight Best Costume contests at our neighborhood party (the others include Top 7-Year-Old in the 1981 MS Fun Run and Perfect Attendance in the 6th grade).
And I've also been diagnosed with a severe allergy to store-bought and pun costumes. They're too easy! So, I'm doing the public a community service my presenting to you costumes that are topical, inexpensive and simple. Keep in mind, this is the trick to winning. That and reversing gender roles. That's a game-changer.
-Michael Phelps, McKayla Maroney and other Olympians: Olympic years provide a plethora of opportunity. My 6-year-old daughter is going to be gymnast McKayla Maroney. Sparkly red leotard and scrunchie: check. She doesn't get the whole "McKayla is not impressed" meme , so she's playing it straight. But you could go full snark and stand with your arms crossed and THAT look on your face.
Phelps is easy with swim trunks, a warm-up jacket, vigorous arm flapping and a neck full of medals. You could also have someone dressed as Ryan Lochte, trying desperately to catch up with you while trying to complete a sentence unsuccessfully. Jeah!
-Honey Boo Boo and Mom June: Honey Boo Boo gets a cheap tiara, beauty pageant sash, frilly dress and Go-Go juice (Mountain Dew and Red Bull). Mom June gets … whatever you're about to give away to charity. Shampoo optional.
-Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan: Dude needs to dress in an impeccable suit and carry a Barbie doll - which serves as a roughly life-sized Kelly.
-Replacement Refs: I called this one weeks ago. Though it's topicality (is that a word?) might be passed. Still, it's an easy and comfy costume. They key here, as with all costumes is accessories and actions. Sunglasses, multiple flags thrown and inopportune time, maybe even a basketball instead of a football. Put your thinking caps on – unlike the replacement refs themselves.
-Psy, the Gangnam Style Guy: He says the key is to look classy and dance cheesy. Follow his directions. Also, keep in mind you'll see yourself coming and going.
-Politicians and Royals: Sure, you have the candidates. But there's also Clint Eastwood and the Chair and all those crazily-dressed delegates. And those British Royals provide an opportunity for those who want to dress in little or nothing. And there are plenty of them.
From Today's Show:
-Take That: A Wisconsin anchor takes on the email bully who called her overweight. It's inspired and inspiring.
-One More:The Reds need to win in today's last game of the season, and they need the Nationals to lose. If it all works out, they'll be the No. 1 seed in the NL. Fingers crossed. Washington plays this afternoon, so take a work break and check the score. Sports Director John Popovich is live in St. Louis tonight on 9 News beginning at 5.
Today's Distracting Link:
Perfect for the morning. A bunch of yawning animals.
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