- Light fog
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Liar. Cheater. Ryan Braun. They're all synonyms now.
But Major League Baseball isn't much better. I'll go with apologists and enablers.
In case you missed it, former National League MVP Braun was suspended yesterday for the remainder of the season for failing multiple drug tests.
That's all we know. We don't know what he took, how much he took, when or how often he took it. And we probably never will.
We do know he's a liar and a cheater, though. He's admitted that.
Braun tested positive in 2011 and claimed it was a mistake. Swore the truth would come out and maligned the guy who took his sample – saying it was his fault. And it worked. For a while.
But the truth did come out. Braun is entangled in the Biogenesis debacle (though that name was never officially used in the MLB statement) – which centers around a Miami clinic accused of helping players dope.
Now that I think about it, I'm adding naïve to Braun's attributes. If you're going to be brazen enough to take performance-enhancing drugs, you better make darn sure it's you or your mama injecting them into your backside – otherwise, someone, somewhere is gonna talk.
Which, by the way, he didn't. He slinked out of Miller Park without speaking to the media, the proxy of the fans, who buy his jersey and help pay that exorbitant salary he gets for hitting a ball.
So Braun gets outed, he finally admits he's a doper, and gets what truly amounts to a slap on the wrist from MLB.
Braun is basically getting a three-month, 65-game vacation. The Brewers are 19 games out of first place in the NL Central. So he'll sit out through October, then show up at spring training in February a new man. Like nothing ever happened.
He'll get a fresh start in a new season. A season during which he'll make $10 million. But he's got a long way to go before fans, even casual ones, come around. If they ever do.
"I am glad to have this matter behind me once and for all, and I cannot wait to get back to the game I love," Braun said in a statement.
He fails to grasp that this will never be behind him. It will be front and center every time he swings a bat or jogs out to left field, as will boos from once-staunch supporters.
Baseball is America's pastime. It's apple pie and Chevrolets, it's stars and stripes and lemonade on a hot summer day.
But it seems every year, more and more of baseball's underbelly is revealed, and it's seedy and grimy, filled with parasites and hangers-on, syringes and ever-changing pharmaceuticals.
And it's not pretty.
From Today's GMTS:
-No More Kids Meals: Taco Bell is getting rid of its kids meals. In other news, Taco Bell has kids meals.
Now, my kids love them, but it's because they like the tacos. The toys are certainly not a draw. They aren't movie-sponsored, or based on cartoon characters – they were usually crafty projects where you fold together a pirate ship or something. They usually hit the garbage can before we left the restaurant. So I don't think you'll have complete meltdowns the way you would if McDonald's got rid of Happy Meals.
That's only as long as the Cinnamon Twists stick around. Otherwise, a meltdown-free zone cannot be confirmed. At least, not with my family.
-The Most Important Meal: Eat your breakfast! A Harvard study shows it could save your life - or at least reduce your risk of a heart attack. Older men who ate breakfast regularly were 27% less likely to have a heart attack than those who don't. So yes, your mama was right.
-NeverWet: Have you seen this stuff? It promises to repel water from clothing. Shoes, concrete, siding, wood – you name it. See if it worked for us in Try-It-Out Tuesday.
-Follow me on Facebook: You know you wanna. All the cool kids are doing it. Well, maybe not all of them. I started a new Facebook page , so please like it. I'm that needy. But there's something in it for you, too – like how to block Royal Baby posts, talk about back-to-school spending and gratuitous coffee cup photos. That's worth it, right?
While you're at it, feel free to follow me on Twitter , too.
Today's Distracting Link:
With all the talk about the Royal baby, let's talk about our own births. At least, our own birth years.
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