GMTS Newsletter: Confessions of a Christmas shopper

Wednesday, Dec. 19, 2012

I’ve made it clear that I generally try to avoid malls and big box stores this time of year, but sometimes, like when you hear Amy Grant sing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and you HAVE to change the channel, you simply have no choice.

Some observations from the front lines:

-Grandma figurines for little girls’ dollhouses are always old ladies with their white hair pulled back into buns. And the moms generally have shoulder length hair and are wearing solid colored skirts or khaki pants. That’s not right. My field research (visiting Target stores right after school drop-off time) tells me the modern mom uniform involves yoga pants and ponytails. Take that, outdated toy companies.

-There’s always that aisle in toy stores that has nothing but pretty pink plastic things. Toy shopping carts and pretend high heels, kitchen sets and play makeup. This is great, unless you have that random daughter (which I do, in all senses of that phrase) who likes purple, not pink. Then you’re stuck.

-Always take a cart with you into the store. Doesn’t matter if you’re only going in for Scotch tape. You’ll come out with a cartful.

-Buy Scotch tape. You’re either out or you’re about to be out. Also, refer to it as Scotch tape. Like Magic Marker and Kleenex, Scotch tape has jumped the brand name shark.

-There will be one random item on your kids’ list that you’ll think is expendable, but they’ll consider of utmost importance. In my house, this year, it’s foaming pump soap. Without it, there will be tears. With it, there might be tears. I'll work the odds.

-The words “40 percent off” and “free shipping” are enough to send me into a giddiness coma.

-This might be the only time dogs in strollers and kids on leashes are appropriate.

-Hey reindeer antlers/noses on cars: you’re not fooling anybody. Unless it comes with the ability to fly above mall traffic jams, forget it.

-Any company that ships packages with the name of the item inside on the outside of the box (unless it warns you) should be banished to the 14th page of the Google search for life.

From Today’s Show:

-Kelsey Sounds Off: Have you seen this ? Former Elder and Xavier basketball player Pat Kelsey, who’s now all grown up and the coach at Winthrop, used his post-game news conference after losing to No. 7 Ohio State to talk about Newtown. Eloquent, real and valid. Good for him for speaking out.

-Crosstown Classic: New name, new location, new feel. Check out the pregame predictions .

Today’s Distracting Link:

Wheeeee! Grammar fun! I know what I'll be doing today.

http://theoatmeal.com/tag/grammar